​Lots of things to be upset by, especially as the #MeToo movement reactivates long-suppressed memories and anger.

My teen years were saddled with depression as it dawned on me that “you can be anything” was not true. And that a hostile world – professions and workplaces – would greet your enthusiastic leap into their arms to fulfill your dreams of how and what you wanted to be.

One of my stories: as a college student, in an airport, I met a woman who said she was one of four female surgeons in the country. (1960s) I told her that that was one of my dreams. She said: “It will be very hard to get in, and you will be battered every step of the way. You will have be to very tough.” She explained to me why there were few female surgeons, and doctors overall. For example, there were quotas for women entering medical school at that time. (And they probably did NOT get financial aid equal to men.) I had NO IDEA how someone like me could finance the education. I was too timid to ask anybody in authority (…refugee mentality, lay low). No internet. No kind librarians in my daily world. I knew I was not that tough. I majored in literature. (You’ll be able to teach elementary school!)

Several college mates who went into science and whom I met again 20 years later had QUIT. Harassed out. Disgusted. Discouraged. Wasted years of trying. And they were tough, and assisted by savvy parents.

There are so many books and movies explaining subtle discrimination, and what it’s like to be put down, harassed, and even raped or killed with no compunction. About racism: Ta-Nehisi Coates Between the World and Me. A mind-blowing experience watching the documentary based on James Baldwin’s work, I Am Not Your Negro (directed by Raoul Peck, 2016).

There is a poignant and insightful piece by Christine Emba after the white supremacists landed in Charlottesville. (Washington Post, August 18, 2017) She writes, about painful memories of current racism and marginalization: “No, I can’t just ‘get over it.’” Her last line: “Why is it so hard for you to care?”

Petula Dvorak writes about the abuse of girl gymnasts (six years old and up, over decades) as the result of a systematic denial of their complaints.

After mentally reliving some incidents in my past, I thought, how could I have responded better? In some of my experiences, I froze up, walked away, ran away from insults and aggressions. (No assaults, thank you, God.) There must be guides on what to do? Any tips for the weary?
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Yes, there are, it turns out, for example:
“How to Respond to a Harasser? 10 Things to Say”

“Assertive Responses [to street harassment]”
 
I saw a video tutorial by Act.tv, on “Understanding White Supremacy (And How to Defeat It).”

It inspired my own take on MISOGYNY. It is 7.5-minute tutorial on WHAT is misogyny, what causes it, how it is expressed in social practices and rules, and how we can reduce it.

Finally, on a positive note, the wisdom of the recently departed Ursula Le Guin, a writer, who gave a commencement speech at Mills College in 1983, that tells women a way to think about where we find ourselves.
 
There is MUCH WISDOM out there. It just wasn’t in my mind when I needed it and could have handled it, e.g., entering college. I wish for a boot camp on “the world for women and minorities.” It is possible to be better equipped for the bad stuff, and to learn to roll with some punches, ignore, resist, and succeed in chasing your dreams in spite of it. Bring your sisters along on the wisdom. And, if you have any strength left, act to change it. 

Feminism was STIGMATIZED over the last decades. It’s having a revival, however. People like Beyonce and Taylor Swift are able to use the word again. Some of their critics are boiling them in oil for using the word, or for being “the wrong kind of feminist.”

They were joined by about six million people during the Women’s Marches the day after Trump’s inauguration (January 2017), who defied the STIGMA of “feminism” to protest the sexism of the Trump campaign.

What’s a stigma? It’s a strong feeling of disapproval, a mark of disgrace or reproach, a set of negative and often unfair beliefs.

I think the stereotype of a feminist is someone who is angry, unhinged, and obsessively hates men. Someone “who doesn’t know how to be a woman and who doesn’t like being a woman.” (Note: And “a woman is… ?”)

This stereotype led to fierce rejection of the label by generations after 1975 or so: “I am NO feminist!” “Feminists are against Moms.” “We don’t want any feminists in our workplace.” “Feminists [like female graduate students] are ugly, angry spoilers. Undateable.”

Meanwhile, since the 1950’s and 1960’s when feminism rose up—Betty Friedan, Gloria Steinem, Germaine Greer—many were proud to finally decipher and talk about what was wrong with the treatment of women in our time. There are explicitly “feminist” movements and organizations that never faded from the scene, in spite of decades of stigma: NOW, MS Magazine.

The rise of women’s studies (facilitated by The Feminist Press) means we are busy documenting the “missing stories” about women in history. (The first college course was in 1969.) Stories about women whose research was denied and stolen by Nobel Prize winners, whose mathematical skills were critical in national achievements (“Hidden Figures”), women who trained as astronauts and were denied their chance by men like John Glenn (who thought he deserved one more mission at 70-years, over any woman).

Even though we are half the population of the world, we need to list the leading lights just to remember they exist. See the “ten most famous” and even databases of names. As if, THERE ARE NOT MANY, my dear, who “make it.”

Organizations who don’t use “the word” are busy challenging laws, practices, concepts: National Women’s Law Center, AAUW, Institute for Women’s Policy Research, and Women’s National History Museum campaign, for example.

Here’s my point: it is really about respect and dignity for women, and opportunity. We can call it a wish for “equal rights.” It’s a protest against stereotypes, behavior, laws, and social conventions that limit women and push them into lesser-paid, subordinate roles. That insult them and exclude them from power and achievement. Steer them only to the roles of the nurturing servant and the sex-mate.

Our wish for respect is NOT inconsistent with the wish for nurturing, motherhood, femininity, or LOVING MEN. It means: just like men, women want to live free of harassment, free of being reduced to being a sex servant, free from being pressured to be a near SLAVE in a highly restricted role in society. We want choice in procreation, in managing the marvelous role of motherhood. And we have brains just like men who want power and complexity at work.

What the anti-feminists want, is to make this wish AWFUL. They say, Girls: Stop protesting, stop complaining about the insults, the lower pay, the lack of advancement at work, the stupid pressure to be a man’s wet dream. It’s unpleasant. It interferes with the power and PLEASURE men have in feeling that they own women. It tarnishes the treasured image of the selfless, loving mother who wants nothing more, the giving lover who needs nothing for herself. JUST SHUT UP. Stay in the little box we’ve made for you.
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I think we need to reframe the “dialog.” Just like the politicians we know do. Talk about a “new normal” when a girl can grow up as free as a boy, and a woman can live like a man. (Without some of the garbage that goes with that…). Talk about respect, dignity, freedom of choice in life, and fair pay. Don’t use “the word” because there’s an automatic stupid response to it.

Amanda Taub says Donald Trump gave us a master class in sexism. She analyses various ways that he attacked the moderator Megyn Kelly. I thought it would help to think through HOW TO RESPOND to each of the "types" of deflections a sexist typically uses.

See Amanda Taub’s article, Aug 7, 2015: http://www.vox.com/2015/8/7/9114943/donald-trump-sexism-debate.

The strategies of sexists (per Taub), with my examples of how to respond:

1.      Claim that the complaint is an exaggeration in order to imply that the complainant can’t be trusted.

“Mr. Trump, your personal mockery of Rosie O’Donnell does not answer the question. It might be a fun comment in a reality show (The Apprentice?) where bullying and name-calling are a form of entertainment. She’s a comedian, and you are bidding for the part of leader of the free world. How do you explain your frequent categorical insults about women and to women? They are on record and observed by many others, and experienced by many others. You give me too much credit for this observation.”

2.      Dismiss demands for respect and equality as mere “political correctness.”

“Mr. Trump, you seem uncomfortable with big changes in our society. It used to be ‘correct’ to put women (and minorities, and immigrants) down, as inferior and unworthy of equal respect and treatment. Are you saying that your respect for these groups is false, on your part, and that you feel that this is just pressure to pretend that you respect them, when you don’t? Do you think their campaigns for respect are frivolous?”

3.      Insist that this complaint is too minor to bother with when there are more important things to worry about.

“Mr. Trump, you’re a CEO and we have to assume that you take the job of managing people seriously. Do you find that bullying, insulting and humiliating individuals improves their performance? Do you subscribe to the management (and political philosophy) that leaders need to win people’s loyalty through respect for them, to build teams and to bring them together? That national leaders need to build national consensus and national identity? Maybe build corporate or national cultures that tolerate and respect diversity?”

4.      Say it was just “fun.”

“Mr. Trump, have you ever asked the people you are insulting if they think it’s funny? Do you think making fun of certain groups is a way to bond with others? Do you only work with people who all agree on what groups are okay when it comes to this kind of fun? Do you need personal attacks and mockery of women to have fun?”

5.      Pretend the complaint is really just about personal animosity.

“Mr. Trump, I am honored that you think that your feelings about me personally are important in this discussion. I feel I am presenting a question many other people have. It’s really not about me. It’s about you. How about speaking to the complaint and answering the question?”